Most people aren’t aware of how much they actually need to forgive themselves. While we may blame or judge another person for something they did, underneath the anger and judgment we feel, we really are angry at, or judging, ourselves.
In my last blog post, I wrote about how to forgive other people who have hurt you. While that is so important to free up your energy, so you’re not holding on to the pain and anger, it’s equally as important to forgive yourself.
On a conscious level, you’re likely very aware of your feelings of anger towards the other person. But you may not be consciously aware of the anger you also have towards yourself. If you dig down deep enough, I’d be willing to bet that you’ll realize how much you really blame yourself and uncover the anger you’re holding towards yourself.
Are you unconsciously sabotaging yourself and blocking your good?
You may be thinking, “Why should I care about this? I don’t feel angry at myself. As long as I don’t feel angry, why should I bring up those painful emotions?”
There is a very good reason why you’ll want to do this process. Even though you consciously may not feel anger or blame towards yourself, those subconscious feelings are still very much affecting you.
95% of our thoughts are subconscious. So even if your conscious mind is thinking that everything is okay, that’s only 5% of your thoughts. Imagine how much the other 95% of your subconscious thoughts are driving your actions and blocking the flow of good from coming into your life.
Many of the energetic blocks we clear with the Ultimate 24-Strand DNA Activation™ & Spiritual Response Therapy Clearing stem from self-blame. At our core, we are good. Consequently, we are our own worst enemy when it comes to blaming and punishing ourselves for things we may have done – whether intentional or not.
Becoming aware of any judgment and anger you have towards yourself will begin to free you from those energetic blocks.
This is what happened to me
Last month, I took my car to Valvoline for a routine oil change. It’s a place I’ve been to many times over the years. But this time was different.
The first technician who talked to me seemed fine. But then a different technician came over, and I immediately got a bad feeling. My gut told me to leave.
They hadn’t done anything except look under the hood at that point, so I easily could have left. But I let my logic override my intuition: “It will be fine. What can go wrong, they’re just changing the oil? They’ve done it a dozen times before. Just get it over with and leave.”
Long story short: they overfilled my engine by several inches on the dipstick, which destroyed my car’s engine. And they have refused to accept any responsibility or pay for repairs. This left me with no means of transportation.
To say that I was angry at them would be a major understatement. But the truth is that underneath the anger at them, I was really angry at myself – for not listening to my intuition.
Of course, I could have never imagined that what happened would happen. I didn’t even know you could overfill an engine with oil.
But I didn’t listen to my intuition. So I blamed myself. Big time.
I knew that in addition to working through my anger at Valvoline and the people involved, I also needed to forgive myself as well.
How do you actually forgive yourself?
First, I got in touch with my feelings – underneath the anger at them, I was really angry at myself for not listening to my intuition, and for not insisting to see the dipstick after the oil change.
They always show the dipstick after they have changed the oil, to show you that your engine is full. But this time, when the technician showed me the dipstick, I couldn’t see any oil on it. It looked completely clear. When I told the technician that, he condescendingly replied, “That’s what it’s supposed to look like when the oil is clean,” and laughed along with his co-workers. So under the pressure of being criticized for not being able to see the oil line, I conceded. I trusted that they had put enough oil in and didn’t even know you could put in too much oil.
So as you could imagine, I was really blaming myself for not standing up for myself and insisting to see the oil on the dipstick.
Look at the situation objectively.
Are you really responsible for whatever it is that you blame yourself for? Was it truly your responsibility?
In my case, I could definitely answer, “No.” It wasn’t my responsibility. I was a customer paying for a service. It was their responsibility to be professional and do the oil change correctly. I was paying for their expertise in changing oil. It’s not my area of expertise. I’m not a mechanic. It wasn’t my responsibility to be sure they did their jobs correctly.
What did you have a right to, in the situation?
In any situation, we all have the right to be treated with kindness, consideration and respect. We have the right to receive the products or services we purchased. We have the right to ask questions before deciding to make a purchase. We have the right to not be victimized.
What were your rights? I had the right to see the dipstick after the oil change. I had the right to demand – since asking politely didn’t work – to see the dipstick. And I had the right to be treated with kindness, consideration and respect, none of which I experienced there.
When you look at what your rights were in the situation, it will help bring clarity to the fact that what happened was not your fault, and that you deserve to forgive yourself.
What’s the lesson?
I know it sounds cliche, but there is usually some lesson, something we can learn from the experience. In my case, I learned (again!) that I can trust my intuition, even when it defies logic.
And I also learned that I need to stand up for myself more and not be such a people pleaser. If I hadn’t been so concerned about what they though about me, I would have insisted to see the dipstick clearly. I would have ignored their condescending comment and laughs, and asked for what I needed.
So what can you learn from your experience? What would you do differently if you had it to do over again?
This is the gift.
I know that may be a hard pill to swallow. But if we can find the gift in what happened, then it makes forgiving ourselves that much easier. And no matter how horrible the situation, there is usually a gift. You just may have to dig deep and be open, to find it.
We always do the best we can in the moment.
Years ago when I heard Tony Robbins speak, he said that we all do the best we can in any situation with the knowledge, experience and resources we have. That is so important for us to remember: We always do the best we can in the moment.
While today, I would definitely make a different decision. At the time, I made the best decision I could with the knowledge, experience and resources I had. Had I known then what I know now, I would have done things much differently.
And while some of these experiences are painful, that is why we are here. We incarnate for our souls to have experiences so it can learn and grow and evolve. We all make mistakes because that’s part of the human experience.
So forgive yourself. Realize that you did the best you could in the situation you were in, with the knowledge, experience and resources you had at the time. You didn’t do anything wrong. You deserve forgiveness.